Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
