Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
