Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wish they made helmets for livers.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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