I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
