i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
