So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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