my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
