so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
