3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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