If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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