I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I look better un-naked...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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