And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
