this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
