Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
