FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
handjob tips. give me some.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
