Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
