at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
