I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
