Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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