I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize