Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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