Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
