They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
