I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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