just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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