I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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