Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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