I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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