a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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