i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize