She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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