idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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