hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
do herpes really smell.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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