Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
True but thats because hes a fetus.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
