Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
