is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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