it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
