i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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