Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
