we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
