Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
