If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
