i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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