I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
