My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
