I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize