I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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