To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
