last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
