I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
