My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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