1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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