my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
