ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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