I saw his package. It spoke to me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
