I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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