I bet he comes in French.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
